"The grass withers and the flowers fade, but the word of our God stands forever." - Isaiah 40:8
The pieces below were composed in response to the following prompt:
Write a letter of complaint to a company regarding a dysfunctional product you received. Focus on being clear, concise, yet polite with your complaint and demands/requests. Also focus on using precise wording and include 2 appositives.
A Letter to Cool Cuts by: Mady Benthin
Dear Ms. Stella Struella,
I just had my haircut at your salon, Cool Clips, and I’m sorry to say it was a dreadful experience. Your newest stylist, Jean Schmeen, stepped up and styled my hair as my regular hair stylist was on vacation. By the first look at it I knew I was going to be wearing hats for a while. I was so disgraced that after I paid for the abominable hairdo I marched out of the hair salon fuming! And even though the haircut was inadequate I still had to pay the normal amount plus more!
My hair is short on one side and at least 1 inch longer on the other side. The back doesn’t even look like it was cut, and those bangs, oh those atrocious bangs! I expect a reimbursement sent to my address as soon as possible. Next time, I expect my regular hair stylist to be working to give the gorgeous haircut that I want for free. I also expect you to be responsible and talk to Ms. Schmeen about my unacceptable hairdo immediately. My address is on the envelope and I would like to hear from you as soon as possible
Sincerely,
Madyson Benthin
A Letter to Starbucks by: Jessica Finch
Dear Starbucks,
On Monday I ordered an Orange-Valencia Refresher with a pump of raspberry and lemonade instead of water, my favorite drink, but what I received was a cup of water with a pump of raspberry, and an orange on top of it. When we drove up to the window, which was very cramped and decayed, we watched all of the drink-makers pour all of the ingredients into the drink. They smothered raspberry juice into the drink, and topped it with a sweet, savory orange. This may not seem like a “big deal” to you, but I take my Starbucks very seriously. I think you need to hire some more agile workers or train the ones you have now to be quicker.
It took ten minutes for three drinks to be created and at other Starbucks cafes it takes one minute. Imagine when I inserted the straw in my mouth, highly expecting to be satisfied, and instead made a sour-pucker face and placed the drink back into the cup holder. The drink-makers did not even realize or pay attention to what they were doing! We asked them to make us a fresh one, and they did. The sad thing is that they made it wrong again. They also charged us for the second one! If I messed up someone’s beverage I would have realized it and made a fresh one right away. You need to train your baristas to work faster, harder, and to pay attention. I hope that this will not happen again. Thank you!
Sincerely,
Jessica Finch
On Monday I ordered an Orange-Valencia Refresher with a pump of raspberry and lemonade instead of water, my favorite drink, but what I received was a cup of water with a pump of raspberry, and an orange on top of it. When we drove up to the window, which was very cramped and decayed, we watched all of the drink-makers pour all of the ingredients into the drink. They smothered raspberry juice into the drink, and topped it with a sweet, savory orange. This may not seem like a “big deal” to you, but I take my Starbucks very seriously. I think you need to hire some more agile workers or train the ones you have now to be quicker.
It took ten minutes for three drinks to be created and at other Starbucks cafes it takes one minute. Imagine when I inserted the straw in my mouth, highly expecting to be satisfied, and instead made a sour-pucker face and placed the drink back into the cup holder. The drink-makers did not even realize or pay attention to what they were doing! We asked them to make us a fresh one, and they did. The sad thing is that they made it wrong again. They also charged us for the second one! If I messed up someone’s beverage I would have realized it and made a fresh one right away. You need to train your baristas to work faster, harder, and to pay attention. I hope that this will not happen again. Thank you!
Sincerely,
Jessica Finch
A Letter to the Flailing Funky Fishy Fish Factory by: Evan Lam
Dear Flailing Funky Fishy Fish Factory,
I have sent you this message because, first of all, your name is so outrageously hard to spell that it took me 2 hours to spell the heading right. And secondly, LG, my fish, came in a big smelly, (dead) mush when it arrived at my front door. When I opened the box that had “fragile, please handle with care” on it, a plastic bag, that was holding my dead fish, exploded into a million, jillion pieces in my face. Not to mention the unusually thick, gooey water I found splashing around in the box.
When I tried to return the LG at your factory, it didn’t go well at all. First of all, when I stomped into your factory, there were bubbling, dead fish lying on the floor, and immediately, I slipped on the one right in front of the small main entrance and sprained my right ankle. Then, when I finally got to the “return counter”, I was dumbfounded when I saw a sign that said: “Open from 4:30 AM to 4:31 AM.”
So please FFFFF, send a cleanup team to my front door to water jet blast away all the yellow goo that is on my front steps because it just won’t come off! Next, I would like you to make your bag-of-holes ACTUALLY user friendly, and also not to booby trap your front entrance. Second to last, I would like a refund of $100 and have Are U. Complaining, the water manager, fired. Finally, I would suggest you to purchase a couple APJEPAAF, (Air Plane Jet Engine Powered Ammonia Air Fresheners) in your factory because it really smelled like an angry skunk had to do “his business” in there.
Signed,
An anonymous, goo-covered customer.
I have sent you this message because, first of all, your name is so outrageously hard to spell that it took me 2 hours to spell the heading right. And secondly, LG, my fish, came in a big smelly, (dead) mush when it arrived at my front door. When I opened the box that had “fragile, please handle with care” on it, a plastic bag, that was holding my dead fish, exploded into a million, jillion pieces in my face. Not to mention the unusually thick, gooey water I found splashing around in the box.
When I tried to return the LG at your factory, it didn’t go well at all. First of all, when I stomped into your factory, there were bubbling, dead fish lying on the floor, and immediately, I slipped on the one right in front of the small main entrance and sprained my right ankle. Then, when I finally got to the “return counter”, I was dumbfounded when I saw a sign that said: “Open from 4:30 AM to 4:31 AM.”
So please FFFFF, send a cleanup team to my front door to water jet blast away all the yellow goo that is on my front steps because it just won’t come off! Next, I would like you to make your bag-of-holes ACTUALLY user friendly, and also not to booby trap your front entrance. Second to last, I would like a refund of $100 and have Are U. Complaining, the water manager, fired. Finally, I would suggest you to purchase a couple APJEPAAF, (Air Plane Jet Engine Powered Ammonia Air Fresheners) in your factory because it really smelled like an angry skunk had to do “his business” in there.
Signed,
An anonymous, goo-covered customer.
A Letter to Amazon by: Amelia Park
Dear Amazon.com,
I have had an atrocious experience with your product and your service. This is my 5th year trusting in your company and believe it or not, I have ordered one of your products at least every 2 weeks. However, my last purchase was very unsatisfactory and disappointing.
On December 3, 2014, I was looking for an MP3 player for my daughter’s Christmas present. Without a doubt, I had faith in you and decided that your company sells the best MP3 player with the cheapest price and other great deals. It looked superior in the picture; it was an appealing MP3 player with cute circle buttons on it, and it also provided a bonus card that allows my daughter to purchase 20 free songs. Even I was very delighted, imagining Gloria, my daughter, laughing with this MP3 in her hand.
However, on December 24th, when the MP3 player was supposed to arrive, I received a ridiculous message from Amazon.com instead. It said: “Dear Amelia Park, We are very sorry to notify that your item’s arrival will be delayed. We are very sorry again for the inconvenience. You will be receiving this item on December 30th at the
latest.” I was very discontented when I saw the message. Also, when I picked up the MP3, I could not believe your dishonesty. The MP3 player was minute compared to the picture that the seller, who said that the MP3 player is big enough, uploaded; it was almost half a size! Please return the $40 that I spent on this MP3 and warn the seller of this product to change the picture of the MP3 player now.
Sincerely, Amelia Park
I have had an atrocious experience with your product and your service. This is my 5th year trusting in your company and believe it or not, I have ordered one of your products at least every 2 weeks. However, my last purchase was very unsatisfactory and disappointing.
On December 3, 2014, I was looking for an MP3 player for my daughter’s Christmas present. Without a doubt, I had faith in you and decided that your company sells the best MP3 player with the cheapest price and other great deals. It looked superior in the picture; it was an appealing MP3 player with cute circle buttons on it, and it also provided a bonus card that allows my daughter to purchase 20 free songs. Even I was very delighted, imagining Gloria, my daughter, laughing with this MP3 in her hand.
However, on December 24th, when the MP3 player was supposed to arrive, I received a ridiculous message from Amazon.com instead. It said: “Dear Amelia Park, We are very sorry to notify that your item’s arrival will be delayed. We are very sorry again for the inconvenience. You will be receiving this item on December 30th at the
latest.” I was very discontented when I saw the message. Also, when I picked up the MP3, I could not believe your dishonesty. The MP3 player was minute compared to the picture that the seller, who said that the MP3 player is big enough, uploaded; it was almost half a size! Please return the $40 that I spent on this MP3 and warn the seller of this product to change the picture of the MP3 player now.
Sincerely, Amelia Park
A Letter to Crazy Critters Co. by: Talia Weiss
Crazy Critters Co.
CatVille, Catington
Dear 'Crazy' Corny Cornington, CEO of Crazy Critters Co.
Recently I purchased a can of catnip from your online store, http://CrazyCCo.com/uk/, thinking that my cat would enjoy the 'best catnip around'. But boy, was I wrong!
After opening the small 4 oz. can of catnip, a putrid odor came out, one of run over skunk. Nevertheless, I gave it to my cat, thinking that it was designed to smell like that. I sprinkled some over her scratching post, and continued on my day.
The next morning, my cat, Geon, had five eyes and was shaking uncontrollably! I took her to the vet, only to discover that seven other people had cats in the same condition as mine. While waiting on assessments of our own cats, we discovered that we all had ordered the same catnip!
I believe the catnip has something to do with this. I would like for all my vet bills to be paid, as they have now gone over $1,500, an 8% refund of $40 (the original product was $5), and a disclaimer on the back of the box that these troubles may happen.
Please respond to this by March 1st, 2015, or feel free to contact my lawyers at [email protected]
Sincerely, Talia Weiss
CatVille, Catington
Dear 'Crazy' Corny Cornington, CEO of Crazy Critters Co.
Recently I purchased a can of catnip from your online store, http://CrazyCCo.com/uk/, thinking that my cat would enjoy the 'best catnip around'. But boy, was I wrong!
After opening the small 4 oz. can of catnip, a putrid odor came out, one of run over skunk. Nevertheless, I gave it to my cat, thinking that it was designed to smell like that. I sprinkled some over her scratching post, and continued on my day.
The next morning, my cat, Geon, had five eyes and was shaking uncontrollably! I took her to the vet, only to discover that seven other people had cats in the same condition as mine. While waiting on assessments of our own cats, we discovered that we all had ordered the same catnip!
I believe the catnip has something to do with this. I would like for all my vet bills to be paid, as they have now gone over $1,500, an 8% refund of $40 (the original product was $5), and a disclaimer on the back of the box that these troubles may happen.
Please respond to this by March 1st, 2015, or feel free to contact my lawyers at [email protected]
Sincerely, Talia Weiss
A Letter to Lightinthebox.com by: Tara Liu
Dear Lightinthebox.com,
I recently tried to order a watch from your website and I would like to say that my experience was horrendous. It was going excellently until it was time to pay. I had a gift card, a visa gift card, that I wanted to use. So I entered in all the information and clicked the “next” button. Instead of seeing that my order had been received, I received a note that said my card wouldn’t work and to try again later. A few minutes late, I tried again and seeing the same note, I was very devastated.
I thought there was an issue with the card; maybe I didn’t have enough money on it. The next time I tried, I used my mom’s credit card, which was also a visa, instead. That didn’t work either. I found this to be very obnoxious and upsetting. Please, if you are going to put your items on sale, at least fix your website so that it accepts everyone’s payment options!
Sincerely,
Tara Liu
I recently tried to order a watch from your website and I would like to say that my experience was horrendous. It was going excellently until it was time to pay. I had a gift card, a visa gift card, that I wanted to use. So I entered in all the information and clicked the “next” button. Instead of seeing that my order had been received, I received a note that said my card wouldn’t work and to try again later. A few minutes late, I tried again and seeing the same note, I was very devastated.
I thought there was an issue with the card; maybe I didn’t have enough money on it. The next time I tried, I used my mom’s credit card, which was also a visa, instead. That didn’t work either. I found this to be very obnoxious and upsetting. Please, if you are going to put your items on sale, at least fix your website so that it accepts everyone’s payment options!
Sincerely,
Tara Liu
A Letter to Morton's of Omaha by: Alex Goedhard
Dear Morton’s of Omaha,
My mom is dissatisfied in your Beef Pot Roast product. We are very surprised because we have bought this before and never had a problem with it. My mom bought the Beef at Costco and never expected over half of it to be fat, because of your good reputation. The fat was jiggly, and almost transparent. It tasted like plain salty gelatin, and felt cohesive to your teeth. What a waste of money! My mom, who has high expectations for quality of food, was blown away by this. The Beef Pot Roast was intended to serve a family of four; instead it only served three.
My mom expects you to sincerely apologize to us and make sure this doesn’t happen to other costumers next time. My dad, who always makes sure his money that he earns is never wasted, expects you to either provide a new Beef Pot Roast or refund us in cash. We hope you will realize what has happened to us and make sure it won’t happen again, for there might be people who might be more sensitive about this case. We would like a sincere response from your company. Thank you for taking your time to read this complaint.
Sincerely,
Alex Goedhard
My mom is dissatisfied in your Beef Pot Roast product. We are very surprised because we have bought this before and never had a problem with it. My mom bought the Beef at Costco and never expected over half of it to be fat, because of your good reputation. The fat was jiggly, and almost transparent. It tasted like plain salty gelatin, and felt cohesive to your teeth. What a waste of money! My mom, who has high expectations for quality of food, was blown away by this. The Beef Pot Roast was intended to serve a family of four; instead it only served three.
My mom expects you to sincerely apologize to us and make sure this doesn’t happen to other costumers next time. My dad, who always makes sure his money that he earns is never wasted, expects you to either provide a new Beef Pot Roast or refund us in cash. We hope you will realize what has happened to us and make sure it won’t happen again, for there might be people who might be more sensitive about this case. We would like a sincere response from your company. Thank you for taking your time to read this complaint.
Sincerely,
Alex Goedhard
Letter to Fluffy Soft Pillows by: Madison Laurie
Dear Scott Wiggleworm,
I am very disappointed in your company. How could you do this to a little girl? My daughter Michelle, a 2nd grader, was very excited to get a new pillow. Fluffy Soft Pillows (FSP) is a valuable company except for when you intend to give people waterlogged and sloppy pillows. I ordered the pillow for my daughter on January 12, 2015. When I received the horrific pillow I was so mad.
Do you think a little girl wants to receive a horrific pillow for her birthday? When
my daughter opened the box do you think she was joyful? Of course she wasn't
happy. When she opened the box it was even worse than before. The pillow had
mold, crumbs, and was black and soaking wet. My daughter was weeping for an
hour! Would you sleep on that type of pillow if you had a better one? I am
Expecting you to ship one of your higher quality pillows to my house. Please
Ship this order to my house by February 13, 2015. Also, I could go to your store, FSP in Bellevue, but in Bellevue you don’t have good employees. Please, do not get mad at me. I am only trying to help your company.
Sincerely,
Madison Laurie
I am very disappointed in your company. How could you do this to a little girl? My daughter Michelle, a 2nd grader, was very excited to get a new pillow. Fluffy Soft Pillows (FSP) is a valuable company except for when you intend to give people waterlogged and sloppy pillows. I ordered the pillow for my daughter on January 12, 2015. When I received the horrific pillow I was so mad.
Do you think a little girl wants to receive a horrific pillow for her birthday? When
my daughter opened the box do you think she was joyful? Of course she wasn't
happy. When she opened the box it was even worse than before. The pillow had
mold, crumbs, and was black and soaking wet. My daughter was weeping for an
hour! Would you sleep on that type of pillow if you had a better one? I am
Expecting you to ship one of your higher quality pillows to my house. Please
Ship this order to my house by February 13, 2015. Also, I could go to your store, FSP in Bellevue, but in Bellevue you don’t have good employees. Please, do not get mad at me. I am only trying to help your company.
Sincerely,
Madison Laurie